never mind the bollocks

A colleague died prematurely at the age of just 50 recently and the funeral was this week. As funerals go it was mighty fine. The funeral service didn’t include any meaningless rubbish but instead was a very personal tribute to a funny, good guy.  There were no hymns for people to mime to. The only music played was by The Foo Fighters and The Cult. The music continued at the wake, with a rocking good live band playing all my colleagues favourite music as a tribute to him. When his young son joined the band on drums it brought a lump to my throat but in a kinda good way.  It all felt honest, appropriate and fitting.  I recently heard some great lyrics which included the line “when I’ve got the music I’ve got a place to go” and I just thought yeah … he had the music and now he has a place to go.

I have given thought to my funeral before when I shared No Fakes at My Wake for Goodness Sake, as I am utterly determined not to have fake people, who didn’t give a shite about me in reality, turn up at my funeral and cry fake tears.  They do say that when the chips are down you find out who your real friends are and I certainly did, as when my marriage ended so did so many  friendships when my social group turned their back to me.  Mistress sits happily in that social circle now with Husband2.   I get cross with myself that this still hurts sometimes.

I have thought about my funeral and I truly don’t care if there are only 12 people there.  I would rather have one dozen genuine people there ten dozen fake friends.   I feel confident that the people around Me now, the friends that I spend time with, and talk with, and share with, are warm, non-judgemental, vey real, wonderful people.  My social circle may be smaller than when I was married but it feels much more honest.  .

I spent the day with Artist yesterday.  I was telling him that I don’t really mind what a person is like, where they have come from, what they do for a living, or how they look …. as long as they are genuine.   I can’t really be bothered with polite chit chat, shallowness or lack of compassion and empathy for others.  I strive to be genuine myself and to only be with people who are also genuinely genuine … otherwise it all just feels like bollox quite frankly.  Artist laughed and said that I was a punk rocker at heart.  I quite liked this.  After all the most fundamental principle of punk rock is authenticity.  I think, given the experiences of my life over the last four years,  the most fundamental principle for my life now is also authenticity.   Yeah …. authenticity, no bollox and actually living the life I want.  All those were missing when I was married to Husband2.

Therefore, just like the old lady in the ‘When I grow old I shall wear purple’ poem, I am going to wear a red hat, spend my pension on Jack Daniels,  drag a stick along the railings, pick lots more daisies and learn to spit out my contempt for those fake friends and draw my genuine friends closer.

So my life shall have the music until I have a place to go, and when I go off to that place, wherever it may be, I want my real friends to be swigging on Jack Daniels, dancing to some rocking good music, and be totally proud of the authenticity and genuineness they contributed to my life.

Hey … but I’m not planning on going anywhere yet … so let’s turn up the music while we can yeah?

live music